What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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