My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
