their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
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When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
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I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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