We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
