Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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