your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
