My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
