the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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