Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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