good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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