She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
