I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
