A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
