Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
