You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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