The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
