is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
