I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
