mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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