My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
