...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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