I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
