Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
