everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
