someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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