then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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