there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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