there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
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Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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