Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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