i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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