good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
