Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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