My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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