the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i will never coherently bang her
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
