Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
