Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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