Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
time to smoke my breakfast
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
