I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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