she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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