Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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