OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize