the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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