I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
