She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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