Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
