rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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