I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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