my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
