Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
