I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
