I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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