Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
