she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
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I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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