I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
