I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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