your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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