i jhust puked up my retainher.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
