The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
His hands were made for my vagina.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
