Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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