I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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