Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
