Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
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walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
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By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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