I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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