ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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