Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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