Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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