Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
