she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
