I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you had me at cake vodka
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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