I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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